Accepting Responsibility

#5 Accepting Responsibility
Peacemaker Ministries     Resolving Conflict Series

I. Recap - The “Gospel” is big enough for every conflict.

1. Go to higher ground - Glorify God

1 Corinthians 10:31 – Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

2. Get real about yourself - First address the log in my eye.

II. Learning to make a true apology

1. Wrong Way - “I’m sorry”… if I hurt you, since you are sensitive, sorry if you took it the wrong way, I am sorry, but you should not feel that way.

2. Often our apologies are about escaping consequences and quickly move on.

A. We are overwhelmed.
B. We are prideful.
C. We are wounded.
D. We are foolish.
E. We are unloving.
F. We don’t desire to proclaim the Gospel.
G. We are not seeking God’s glory.

3. Real Apology – Not about saying “I am sorry” and “quickly moving on”, but instead it is all about healing, restoring, and God’s name.

Proverbs 16:24 - Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 15:4 - The soothing tongue is a tree of life,but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 12:18 - The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

III. Making a Good Confession - The 7 “A’s”

Proverbs 28:13- He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

1.     Address everyone involved.

A. Confession goes only as far as the offense.
B. Confession demonstrates that there has been true repentance.

2. Avoid   “if” and “but”.

A. We are saying I really did not do it, or I am not sure I did anything wrong, or I am not taking full responsibility.
B. We often are trying to make the person feel foolish, unworthy, or discouraged.

3. Admit Specifics.

A. We can often be “scalpel like” with the sins of others.
B. We often enjoy being vague in our confession (“whatever I have done”).
C. If we do not own our sin, we fall short of God’s glory, His intention to mature us, and our relationships will suffer.
D. “Divorce” happens when hope and trust leave, and we lose hope                 and trust when individuals near us refuse to own their sin.

4. Acknowledge the hurt.

A. “I was harsh and I know I hurt you.”
B. Men and women both get hurt and need to learn to admit it.
C. Don’t assume we know someone else’s pain.

5. Accept the consequences.

A. We cannot demand a person to forgive us or trust us.
B. Time does not heal all wounds, but is often needed.

6. Altering our behavior.

A. Apology is a promise of “future changed actions.”
B. Apology is drained of influence when we do not seek to change behavior.  
C. Do not promise—”I will never do that again.”
D. We are free to say – “I will change by Gods’ enablement.”
E. If I don’t seek to surrender my behavior to God, I am only sorry for the consequences and not for hurting the Lord or others.

7. Ask for forgiveness.

A. Be sure to give the offended party the “opportunity” to hear you and also to express openly his forgiveness to you.
B. Cheap confessions do not bring healing and restoration.
C. The gift of repentance is from God. We ask to receive His ongoing gift of repentance.

Faith Sheet
#1 - Reviewing this Past Sunday
Accepting Responsibility  Peacemaker Ministries

1. Read 2 Samuel 12:1-15 and Psalm 51. Do you believe David made a "good confession" while accepting responsibility for his sin?
2. Review the 7 "A's" while asking God to show you the difference between a "to do list" and a heart change.
3. Which of the 7 "A's" do you struggle with the most? How could Proverbs 28:13 make a difference?
Psalm 32:1   Page #568

#2 Preparing for Next Week

1. Read Matthew 18:15-20. Write out how we are to address someone who sins against us and who will not repent.
2. Why do we keep the sin private as possible as long as possible?
3. A rule of thumb is to go in love or stay home till you can go in love. Why is this important in seeking to reconcile with someone?